What I keep coming back to

So much of what I offer in my work is exactly what I have found to be most helpful for myself. I think this is obvious, but also worth saying. I am not an expert on all things psychology, mental health, or even counseling. Even within the fields of Somatic Experiencing, ecotherapy, adventure therapy, facilitating retreats… there are methods, practices, and areas of focus that I resonate most with and others that I haven’t yet learned, or don’t light me up (I am not lit up on a ropes course, that’s just not my jam, even though it’s a powerful place for so much to happen).

I write this because in the last many weeks I have been, like many of us, overwhelmed with emotions, at times despairing in the lack of power I feel I have to enact change, at other times clinging desperately to the hope I feel when in connection to others and to the Earth, and I can feel unsure of how to offer my work in a world where so much is needed. Imposter syndrome pops up when I think of how brief a counseling hour is (when my clients are triggered by all that is happening in the world and they themselves feel helpless, trapped, shamed in the context of a society that is making decisions that feel to them unsafe), or how a retreat is so joyful and beautiful and isn’t as important as other work that leads to change on a larger scale (what is that work anyway?). I can identify all the things that I am not (I don’t organize rallies, I don’t work in the legislature, I don’t have millions of dollars to give towards causes I feel matter, I’m not an influencer to the masses- thank goodness!, my understanding of politics is basic - although growing).

Can you hear the anxious mind swirling?

And what happens when I really let this go, is that I do less, I scroll more, I seek answers to the unanswerable questions and dip out on living my life.

So what I keep coming back to, what I practice, and offer in my work, is slowing down in order to both listen (to my body, to marginalized people, to the Earth) and to tend (my nervous system and other living beings). I believe the order of these steps matters, I find that if I want to have capacity for other people’s grief, I first have to make space for my own; if I want to see the world change, I first need to change my own patterns of engaging with life (get off the screen and into relationship); if I want to advocate for listening to diverse voices and creating safe spaces, I first need to listen to what my own animal body needs (a sense of safety, which is another way of saying mindful presence or parasympathetic activation, through things like rest, meaningful relationships, exercise, healthy food, less screen time, orienting to beauty, routine and structure in my day).

Listen and tend.

Start with yourself, in order to grow capacity for doing the same for others.